Another questioned why I’d told anyone I was pregnant before the three-month mark, as if not speaking about it would have made it less real. On the allotted morning, I went into the clinic for a blood test and was told I’d be phoned that afternoon with the results. But, most of all, I was angry at the illusory stories I’d believed – all those beautiful lies I’d told myself. To reiterate: Alexia didn’t know my full name so wouldn’t have been able to look me up online. So often during the preceding 12 years, I’d told myself a hundred different fairytales of how completed I’d feel by motherhood.