Another part tells me to be realistic with my expectations and to get a “normal” job in my home country (I currently reside abroad for this temporary job), but that would mean negating all of my efforts so far in the hopes of finding a PhD. If I do eventually decide to get the “normal” job, forgoing any aspirations for a PhD, I feel like I’ll only be a former husk of myself, with no purpose in life fueling me. To make matters worse, I keep seeing my peers and people younger than me getting excellent PhD positions while I feel like I’ve been left behind with nothing to show for myself.