Those things don't exist, I thought; they don't really happen! I found more things in my own life that didn't exist, didn't really happen: the pain of speaking in public, the terrible consequences of being late to an appointment with friends, the end of the world if I failed the next test. In my quest to find the Real around me, I found that nothing was: if I wanted to care only about the physical, I'd have to ignore the entire world.