What matters is slowing down enough to notice our motivations and remember that we are worth pleasing, too. There’s a tendency, as I did on that bus, to believe that unhealthy people pleasing is just being kind. Adam’s piece offers a useful reframe:“The root of chronic people pleasing is not concern for others. Using the example of a frigid Uber, he also reminds us that pretending we don’t have preferences isn’t magnanimous:“Sharing your preferences is not a display of disrespect. In other words, the opposite of people pleasing isn’t saying no or setting a boundary; it’s choosing.