I think you’ve hit on something: your husband has been used to being the lover of women without any of the responsibilities attached. It doesn’t sound like he doesn’t care about you – more that he doesn’t think he can meet your sexual needs. “One way to start is to step outside the usual sexual scripts: I ‘should’ do this, he ‘should’ do that. If your husband really won’t engage, that in itself is an answer. It doesn’t sound as if you two have ever been sexually compatible.