This story contains minor spoilers for the new season of AppleTV's Ted Lasso. To live in America is to leave yourself open to loving someone who loves Ted Lasso. When it arrived, Ted Lasso was preferable to life. To employ a soccer analogy, Ted Lasso hit a 20-yard screamer into the top corner. A Ted Lasso set in Marseille would have had heroin smuggling and Pastis and I would have been the only viewer.