For Competition 3461 you were asked to submit toe-curling analogies.This invitation produced a stream of entries that were glorious in their banal, laboured, overwrought and tasteless awfulness. The noise he made, if expressed in writing, could be taken for the surname of a mildly dyslexic Polish plumber. Nicholas HodgsonDerek wept, feeling that his hopes of love and happiness were as vain as a search for Donald Trump’s superego. His heart thrilled at her beauty, like a nit on the first day of primary school sighting a full classroom. As they embraced, she felt her heart beating like a blacksmith hammering an iron door-knocker into shape on his anvil.