After two years spent trying to persuade her elderly father to accept social care, she lied. There is a lag between ageing parents developing care needs and accepting external forms of help, and it’s in that lag that family members step in. Nobody wants to need care, so why are we assuming everyone will take it up? Nobody wants to deal with bad service, and social care is no different. Any realistic package of reforms must acknowledge this situation, providing improved rights and resources for family carers alongside reforms to social care.