It can be very painful when the people we depend on give us such messages, telling us we are too much. Were you pressured to answer questions, to apologize, to explain yourself, or to get off the bench and join the other children? It can be very painful when the people we depend on give us such messages, telling us we are not enough. He has helped me be more sensitive to the pain children feel when they feel inadequate or like a burden. If you have the urge to scold children or send children away, opt for a time-in instead, where you reconnect with a hug or a chat or warm empathy.