MISS MANNERS by Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina MartinDEAR MISS MANNERS: I no longer give big birthday or holiday gifts. I do this because a family member died after I had purchased his Christmas gift. Please advise me, Miss Manners, on how to either change my ways or ignore this unpleasantness. The ones you named actually sound thoughtful to Miss Manners, even if the way in which they are delivered seems a bit aggressive. Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.