PHILADELPHIA—In a 4,500-word essay published in Harper’s Magazine, Emily Wilson, known for her popular translation of the Minions epic poem, blasted the latest film Thursday as a “sexless, bloodless” adaptation. “Sure, there are a few scenes of the Minions’ bare butts, and we see one Minion get all charred after he throws a grenade and it bounces back and blows up in his face, but where is the gore? Where is the pathos? Stuart, Bob, and Kevin are supposed to be sex-crazed, war-mongering maniacs.” Wilson went on to say the adaptation would be unrecognizable to the poem’s original author, Gru.