The gentlest older men I know have not become vague, passive or indifferent. A 2016 paper reviewed narrative and interview research from 98 earlier studies of older men. The older man who gives up the need to be the most competent person has not stopped being capable. Gentleness is not a personality transplant, and it is not an instruction for older men to become harmless so that everybody else can feel comfortable. I can only notice which older men make people exhale when they sit down, and which habits in myself would prevent me from becoming one of them.