In a split second, you’ve gone from being the one hurting and needing to be heard, to being the aggressor who’s attacking them. My guess is that you’ve tried many different approaches to making the situation better, to get what you need and in the long run make the bond tighter and more connected. that we cannot change our partner if they don’t want to change. Of this we have to be certain, and remind ourselves that we’ve already tried and tried, and tried. The loss of connection with our partner feels terrifying and dangerous, like we literally won’t be able to survive it, no matter how strong we are.