When an adult child says, “You ruined my life” (or some close version of that painful sentiment), most parents brace for a specific charge. The usual suspects that pop up in these parents’ minds may include: “Was it the divorce when she was nine?” That’s because the event isn’t really the point. It’s an acknowledgment of a feeling that’s been left uncollected for years. Tempting as it is to keep wanting to come up with your “data’ to defend yourself the same fruitless way, say, “Enough of this, already,” to yourself.