QUENTIN LETTS: Eyelashes Andy touched his chest to signal sincerity, adopted the intimate tone of a daytime TV presenter and peered through those Leslie Crowther spectacles like a living euphemism

'Look, Miriam, there's the Prime Minister.' In a throbbingly hot day-room Mr Burnham gave a speech about how the country might pay for old-age care. She threw wide her arms in wonder and noted that this was the 23rd time politicians had promised to reform social care. Instead we had a humblebrag effort from Lady Casey, who launched a Big Conversation on social care. Mr Burnham burbled for a bit before saying he hoped social care could be funded initially from 'existing budgets'.