A MAN did not notice his girlfriend was keeping a conversation going even though he was not physically present. But now we’re having an even longer conversation about how conversations work. She was wondering out loud about changing her phone contract, and I was showing her memes which she didn’t find funny. I would’ve thought she’d want a break from that. I pick him up loud and clear from upstairs when he calls me a ‘miserable cow’, even if the washing machine’s on.”