And I’m jealous – jealous that I can’t do those things without having to plan months ahead only for childcare to lapse. Jealous that I’m at home every day, dealing with tantrums and nappies and crying, when I could be laughing in the sun, wine in hand. I find it difficult to even scroll on Instagram without the little green monster’s head rearing its ugly little face. I’m insanely jealous of people I don’t even know but happen to see online and in my day-to-day. While I wouldn’t exchange the life I have now for one without my children, I’ve decided to do something about it.