Fish existence depends on someone feeding you, a cat knocks things off tables, a bird avoids power lines, and no coffee dates with felines. “I wish I wasn’t human,” my friend said the other day, stirring her coffee while staring at a doves’ mating ritual. But choosing a replacement species, that’s a commitment. Sleep 18 hours a day, judge everyone silently, knock things off tables for no reason. Yes, until you realise you’d spend most of your life avoiding power lines and being chased away from outdoor restaurants.