Although I contain these multitudes, everyone assumes that a leader known as “Vlad the Impaler” is the epitome of vicious cruelty. Or when you subsequently bully me with the hurtful nickname “Vlad the Impaler”? But by the numerical logic that led you to call me “Vlad the Impaler,” you should instead call me “Vlad the Liar.” I should call you “Vlad the Impaler”: You’re obsessed with impaling. In short, Vlad, I demand you quit it with this reductive, frankly impolite “Vlad the Impaler” title.