'My protege Donald is a model oligarch,' an admiring Vladimir Putin told his house-trained hacks in the Kremlin press corps. 'If you ever wondered what Trump and Putin chatted about in the presidential car in Alaska with no civil servants listening,' said a White House Stepford wife, 'then now you know. 'We'll have to order these slavish minions to dial it down a notch.' 'Trump's slavish minions gave him a standing ovation, did they?' roared an incandescent Putin at his press conference in the Kremlin.