Congressman Max Miller, not to be confused with the more well-known Max Miller who hosts a YouTube cooking show with his husband, “Ketchup with Max and Jose,” recently called for the National Guard to be deployed to Cleveland. For a moment, I fear this is the arsenal Max Miller warned us about – weaponized rubber dicks stockpiled in the city’s core. I have survived compostable straws, fennel, brunch denials, artisanal penises, and raccoon incursions. Still, Max Miller, not to be confused with the more well-known Democratic strategist Matt Miller, insists the National Guard must stabilize the city. This great Max Miller, not to be confused with the more well-known horse trainer Max Miller of Shelbyville, Kentucky, will march the National Guard in the suburban amenities our Founders intended.