Setting boundaries sounds progressive on the surface, as if we are prioritizing our mental health, practicing self-care and articulating our emotional needs. It means making the effort even when you’re tired, stressed or distracted. Instead of leaning in when our friends need us, we lean out, congratulating ourselves for “self-care.”Of course, mental health matters. Lazy friendship dressed up in mental health rhetoric might soothe your conscience in the moment, but over time, it erodes trust. If you’re constantly skipping birthdays, bailing on dinners and explaining it all away with a vocabulary taken directly from the first slide on an Instagram carousel, you’re not setting boundaries, you’re just being a bad friend.