YOUR HOME – According to local astrologists, the planet Mercury hates your guts and is coming to kill you and everyone you love. “What your friends and family want you to do and what you need to do don’t always align,” your horoscope reads today. “There are several theories as to why planets move from their orbits to attack individuals,” said a NASA scientist. “If you curse a planet’s role in your fate, the planet may take that personally. But this poor bastard may also just have a really bad vibe,” the scientist added, referring to you, the poor bastard.