BURBANK, CA – The Walt Disney Company has announced late night host Jimmy Kimmel will return to ABC, a move cheered by free speech advocates and even more so by exhausted parents who cancelled their Disney+ subscriptions to make a point and then immediately regretted it. “It was obviously wrong of ABC and Disney to cave to threats from Trump, so I cancelled my account to send a message,” explains Michelle Bernstain of Mississauga, ON. While most parents have equally cheered the return of their children’s TV favourites, plus a minor victory for free speech, others have different reasons. “This weekend the kids didn’t actually want to watch any Disney+ because I was shuttling them to 15 different fucking events,” explains Anita Kapoor of Halifax, NS. “Are there any outspoken truth-telling late night comedians on The Criterion Channel?