Because while Lucas is here, warm and real in my arms, his big brother Aaron is not. Lee was gentle, kind and quietly funny, with a cheeky glint in his eye that Aaron would later inherit. So by 2019, when Aaron was nearly four and finishing nursery, we started thinking seriously about trying again for a baby. In so many ways Lucas is like Aaron, which is both a comfort and a source of pain. There will always be grief in our house, because Aaron will never stop being our son and Lucas will never stop being his brother.