The trouble is: Mum can’t speak or type now, so Dad is gatekeeping everything. I don’t know what Mum really thinks or feels; she just says, “It’s fine, we understand” when I apologise for being absent. How do I maintain a relationship with my mum when I can’t stand seeing my dad? And that’s why it strikes me that your sign-off – that you “can’t stand” seeing your dad, needs to be reframed a bit. It’s not that you’re “choosing” not to see him (and therefore, your mum); it’s not even that you “don’t like” seeing him.